When you are a woman saving marriage alone, you have a different set of needs compared to a couple working together to save marriage and stop divorce.
Why the difference?
1. Your husband will think that there is nothing wrong with him. All that has gone wrong with the marriage is entirely your fault. Let's admit it, most men are too proud to admit that they are wrong at anything anyway.
2. Any self-help material that you read may be pooh-poohed by your husband. They believe that they are above it all.
3. Sometimes self-help material tell you how the "relationship" should be. Now, "you + your husband = relationship". So, when you read about how things should be in your relationship, you cannot help but in your heart criticize your husband for not fulfilling his part. You may tell yourself, "If only he behaves a little more like what they say, then it makes my job of saving the marriage easier". Then you go on and persuade your husband to act in a certain way. Of course this only drives him further apart.
4. You think that you are in control of the entire situation. So when things do not work out as the self-help material suggests, you feel that you are losing it. So you might compensate by attempting to control your husband even more. Does not work. Period.
I soon realized that spiritual tools worked far better especially when you are a woman saving marriage alone. Of course, that is not to say that psychological tools will not help. I combine both, but I always make sure that the spiritual aspect is taken care of first.
5 Tips for women saving marriage alone
1. Decide what it is that you really want for your marriage. A lot of women want to solve their marriage problems, but have no idea what kind of marriage they want after their problems are solved. If you don't know your destination, then you cannot plan your journey. So write down in a paper specifically what you want for your marriage and various aspects of it. Writing your outcome down sends a powerful message to the universe, so I cannot stress this enough. More tips of how to phrase your desired outcome to save your marriage can be found here.
2. Surrender your requests to Spirit. Phrase your requests in the form of a prayer. Click here for tips on how to pray to heal your marriage.
3. Relinquish all control of your husband. Don't criticize him. Don't offer him "helpful" suggestions for improving his job, his lifestyle, the way he does things in the house etc. Instead, tell him how much you admire him. Yes I know you might have to swallow your pride for this one, but I find the results to be well worth it.
[As a side note: I have found so many women who control their "obedient" husbands, only to find them keeping mistresses behind their backs. So I realized that they are only letting their wives have their way superficially, so that they can get them off their back.]
4. Offer your husband unconditional love. This is very, very, very hard unless you are an enlightened being of Mother Teresa's caliber. So what do the rest of us mortals do? YES! Borrow strength and love from Spirit. Spirit will be the source of your strength and unconditional love. Spirit loves you irregardless of what you do. You must do the same with Spirit's help.
I know I just said offer unconditional love, but what if you say I want to puke, all I feel is pure, sublime, hated for my husband. In this case surrender your emotion to Spirit in a prayer and let Spirit take care of it. I promise you, Spirit will answer any heartfelt prayer.
Other ways of offering unconditional love to your husband is through meditations. Your husband does not have to be seated in front of you. All that matters is that your thought vibrations are conveyed to your husband in the non-physical plane.
5. When the going gets tough, the tough turns to Spirit. Remember I told you to write down what you wanted in step 1? Make that a daily prayer. There is no need to involve your husband, unless he wants to be a part of it, of course. When things become difficult, always keep sight of the big picture - your desired outcome of your marriage. Surrender to Spirit all difficulties that arise in the process.
Click here for more detailed marriage saving steps for women.
For my save marriage ebook reviews click here.
Marriage Problems Solving
Marriage Problem Solving Tools
Monday, August 20, 2007
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